I woke up feeling a little more down than usual….and as usual, planning what I am going to eat for the day.  There was the voice that said “have a blow out day for the last day off from work” but I sort of had too much ice cream yesterday and don’t feel really into sugar.  Imagine that.
I am down because not only is this the last day of my vacation but this is my weekend to go up to my parents house and I really DON’T want to go and see them.  It brings me way down to see my mother in the condition she is in.  She is home bound at this point and has to wear a diaper because she is too weak to use the standing lift to use the bathroom.  At least they have an actual visiting nurse coming in 2 -3 times a week (as well as all the CNA’s etc.).  They found out she has MERSA – an infection that came to life in a hospital and therefore is really, really hard to get rid of.  They put her on heavy antibiotics and she is sick from those.
So, it will be an unpleasant visit and it will take me a full week to recover from it and then I’ll be OK for a week and then I’ll go back up there and be down again.
I think perhaps I should change the word “down” to grieving.  Essentially that is what it is, isn’t it?  I am grieving the loss of my mother as her condition takes her down bit by bit.  I seem to have forgotten the fact that before she became ill we did not get along very well and that she STILL finds ways to put me down – even now, as sick as she is.  The last time she went to the hospital I was crying and all she said was “Knock it off, for Christ’s sake!”

Now to food.  This has been an off week to be sure but I would say less indulgent than most weeks and I did what G.Roth suggested – I only ate what I wanted.  So, a fair amount of crap but not a TON of it.  If that makes sense.

I bought a new scale and plan to start weighing myself every week on Monday.  I am dreading it – the only good news for me on this is that I know that I am not over 350lbs (the max for that scale).

I have been watching this show RUBY about a woman in Georgia, Ruby Gettinger, trying to lose 300 lbs.  She is wonderfully charming and she is beautiful!  I can’t wait for the second season to start.  She has lost 104 lbs already.  She has a blog too.  Check it out!